Puritans and Pirates

"Puritans and Pirates" is a mental exercise I developed ten years ago while spending seemingly endless hours in medical offices and clinics. The idea is simply this: during the time of European settlement of America, there were two fundamental "types" of settlers. There were Puritans - - including not only the actual Puritans, but all who came here in order to live by a religious or moral code free from government interference. There were also Pirates - - including not only actual pirates, but all who came here in order to make their fortunes. The idea is that these attitudes are part of our social fabric so that every American, in significant ways, is a Puritan, or a Pirate, or a mix of both, although one description usually will predominate.

Please note that the distinction between Puritans and Pirates has nothing to do with party politics or political philosophy. There are conservative Pirates and conservative Puritans; Democrat Pirates and Democrat Puritans; and so on. Then there is the exception to the rule, pure-bred Libertarians, who seem to be both Puritan and Pirate in equal measures.

Let me take government welfare (food stamps and such) as an example. A conservative Puritan is one who takes the position that we are spending other people's money and the rules for qualification for welfare should be rigorous so that the undeserving do not take advantage of the system. A liberal Puritan is one who believes that all of those who are deserving are entitled to the benefit and the standards for qualification should be lax, even if some who qualify are undeserving. A liberal Pirate doesn't care what the standards are, as long as the haughty rich are made to pay for it, while a conservative Pirate bids on the foodstamp printing contract.

Barack Obama is a liberal Pirate. President Obama and his crew of White House advisers and appointees are preparing to pull along side the enemy clipper, the S.S. Country Club, board 'er, and make off with as much booty as they can carry, redistributing some part of it to their grateful supporters. Of course, there are some respects in which Obama is a liberal Puritan, given to moralizing and lecturing, but these instances are far outweighed by his Pirate nature. Indeed, Obama's occasional indications of having any binding moral code may simply be a version of Blackbeard's smoky hemp fuses.

The real difference between conservatives and liberals is that they have different thinking processes. Liberal thought is two-dimensional (morality and justice). Conservatives think in three dimensions, the added dimension being "community" (what impact will this policy or action have on the institutions which underly and support society?). Thus, liberal thinking tends to focus on the merits of a particular situation, such as providing services and financial support for unwed teenage mothers, while conservative thinking considers also the social impact of providing such services and support. In the context of how to deal with the problem of unwed teenage mothers, liberals tend to see conservatives as "cruel," while conservatives view liberals as "foolish." Neither group believes that the other understands the situation - - both complain that "they just don't get it!"

The conservative-liberal distinctions got muddied during the past few years, as, for one example, the Pirate nature in the Congressional Republicans led them into the sins of pork-barrelling and earmarking. Recent events have helped the underlying distinctions between conservatives and liberals re-emerge, and this is surely a positive development. If the Republican Pirates and the Republican Puritans can come to an agreement, they will once again be politically competitive.

Meanwhile, let's do some mental exercising: is former President Bill Clinton a Puritan, or a Pirate? How about Pres. Ronald Reagan?

How about you?